Week 11

The past week has been a real roller coaster (a phrase I'm sure to overuse for the next few months) of emotion and well-being. Earlier this week I was a bit sensitive to people's reactions about our "news" both good and bad. Then my hormones got the best of me and prevented me from being a good friend because I couldn't get over my own shit. Then my dad and my sister both had baby dreams, which got me excited, but then I ate some soup that made me feel like dying. On a more positive note I slept through the night last night for the first time in oh so how long. Head hit pillow around 10 and I woke up with a start at 6am and had no idea what time it was. Squinting at the clock I was SHOCKED to find out it was 6am. I honestly can't remember the last time I didn't wake up at least once during the night. Twice lately. While I'd like to say I feel wicked refreshed I'm tired as hell still. Thanks for taking all my energy. Baby.

While my appetite, bowels and general mood has been up and down I have to say work is going really well lately. At least I think so. Tomorrow is my 7 month anniversary here and I feel so much more established and confident in my knowledge of the company, our products and the technical aspects of what we do than I did even last week. I'm amazingly thankful things are going well so quickly (it took me 9 months to stop having panic attacks in the bathroom at my last job and about 2 years to feel really confident in my role) especially now when I have to plan an extended leave for the first time in my professional life. Granted, it won't be happening for a while, but I look forward to where I will be in my role and how I will be perceived in the company by this summer and my 1-year anniversary. I'm genuinely happy and grateful for the work I do and the company I work for. I can't even imagine what pregnancy would be like if I were under the stress or reign of fear I experienced at my former employer during this time in my life. I feel I can really do and have it all here without sacrificing much in the way of work and life. I'm really truly blessed in that aspect.

Speaking of work, I have a real love/hate relationship with the resident pushy mom (PM) at work. She's definitely a hammer when you need a fly swatter, but sometimes, if you sift through the "you must" or "you need to" type of advice, there's actually a few good nuggets in there. In my hormonal state it's definitely hard to take sometimes, but after a particularly delicious brownie today, I actually enjoyed a conversation with her about daycares. Although then she decided to point out she doesn't see us as "x daycare parents" when I was strongly considering x daycare. Interesting. I try not to read into it too much but overall I think her intentions are pure, she's just a bit aggressive for her own good sometimes.

In general, people I work with have been really lovely. This morning's locker room pre-yoga was filled with congratulations and words of sweetness.
"You don't look pregnant at all!"
"You are going to be so cute"

I only hope I don't turn them into a bunch of liars! We're at almost 12 weeks and I'm only up 2-3lbs (depending on the day and time. I'll vote for the measly 2lbs!) so far and most charts say you can safely gain 5 in the first trimester. With only 3 weeks to go, I think I'm ok with where this is going. Let's just hope the weight gain stays this way.

So far, the weight gain has been one of the hardest things to deal with. Now that I'm out of the habit of drinking wine nightly, it's not as bad as it first was. I mean, I love a nice glass of wine with a great dinner, and I think that will always be tough, but really knowing I am going to gain weight no matter what I do is a really odd concept. My body is no longer fully my own to control and do with what I want. I'm constantly considering how many calories I'm getting in (too little? too much?) and where they're coming from. On days I'm not feeling great I can easily go all day without ingesting a vegetable. I honestly feel so guilty about it! I need to remind myself I'm doing the best I can and that's why prenatals are so important. They help supplement what I can't get in a day even though it's obviously best to get it from food too. But sometimes I can really only stomach rice with soy sauce or toast. Its funny to think that at a time when I can't control how much weight I will truly gain in the next few months, I don't recall a time I think more about what I'm eating and what goes in my body. I guess in the end, I'm really more concerned about what goes in the baby's body, but it has to go through me first, right?

As we gear up for a big snow storm this weekend I can only hope I have the opportunity to go cross country skiing with my birthday skis for the first time! I've had them almost a month and we haven't had the snow to use them! Hopefully the 2 feet we're slated to get will be as excited for me to leave sweet tracks in it's face as I am to do it.