Since then I've definitely gained a different level of respect for my body and the female form in general, gained about 30 pounds, fully unleashed my love for ice cream, learned countless lessons about myself, life, my relationship and my family and what it means to be a mommy. And I know I still have so much more to learn.
Lately it seems easy for people to try and turn my pregnancy into something negative. Yes it's hot, yes I'm big, yes my energy levels are waning and yes I've been pregnant for a long time. But I'm growing life, I'm going to meet my baby soon and it's no more hot here than anywhere else and I'm no bigger than any other woman who's 34 weeks pregnant. Being a bit uncomfortable is better than my baby coming before he's ready.
I worry that I've let some of this get to me. The last few days I've been a little sad. It's one of those sads where you're not 100% sure why it's there or where it came from, but I have a few guesses.
I think I'm sad because I'm not ready for him to come out yet.
I think I'm sad because I am uncomfortable.
I think I'm sad because it's easy to let people's negative comments about my body make me feel less beautiful.
I know I'm a little sad because I'm at the point in my pregnancy where I can't do everything I once did and I don't take well to feeling limited or weak.
I know I'm going to need to get used to that for the next 6 or so weeks, but that's a long time to be sad and that's not how I want to end my pregnancy. I'm just not sure how to pick myself up by the bootstraps and put on a happy face.
I don't think it helps that we've had a very long last few weeks. So many events, so many visitors, so many trips and too many nights away from my own bed.
This is our last week of travel before I'm homeward bound and waiting for our baby to come out and meet us. I'm trying to put on a happy face and be excited but the excitement isn't coming quite yet. I'm even more sad that I'm not excited about a wedding. It makes me sad because I love weddings. They're so full of promise and happiness and love. Going to a wedding pregnant is more difficult than I ever imagined. Strangers feel compelled to say things about your body that make you feel less confident in a formal gown. By getting this out I'm hoping to release this negativity and allow myself to be happier and more confident. Here's hoping it works!
Baby, I can't wait to meet you and be your mommy. I hope you know how hard I have worked to be the best mommy I can. I know I won't be perfect, but no one is. But I promise to learn and grow with you. Daddy and I love you so much. We're so excited to meet you, but stay in there until you're ready. We'll wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment